Selfish, Selfless, Self...

Brace yourself...I am being a bit vulnerable...

I was making a trip to Longview this weekend for a baby shower and on the way, I was thinking about myself and my identity. I have struggled before with who I am and it doesn't really get any better or easier when you get married and have children...actually, it gets harder. I was thinking about how, in college, I did everything for me. I didn't really have anyone else to answer to, not really. I got up when I wanted, I went to bed when I wanted, I bought groceries at all hours of the day, I went for a run without having to worry about putting anyone else out, I washed only my own clothes....do you hear what I'm saying, I could have called myself a little bit selfish...not that I didn't want to give my time to others, because I did in different ways, but I didn't have to, it was my choice. So now I look at my life in the last 8 years and I realize how I am forced to step outside of myself, my selfish wants, to meet the needs of those I love so dearly. I know that this is starting to sound like "whoa is me", but that is not what I am saying at all, I am actually talking about how our perspective and our desires change as we are given responsibilities to take care of and meet the needs of our loved ones. When Stephen and I started dating, I looked forward to marriage and being a wife. As married life came along I realized that I was now not only responsible for me, but for meeting the needs of my husband. Being his wife, meant that I had to be selfless and willing to compromise. I started to get the hang of that and then came children...anyone reading this who has children, knows what this means. I found myself, well, losing myself. Who was I, Stephen's wife, my children's mother...just Beth...well, this is where the real thinking part comes in. I realize that I have come a long way since my single years. I have learned how to be selfless (by no means am I saying that I don't get selfish on a daily basis). I have learned that I have to remember the things that I like, I enjoy, and that I am not only a wife and a mother, but I am still Beth and that is important and it is important to remind myself every once in awhile about things that I love.

So, as you read this, I hope you in some way can connect. And if it doesn't do anything else besides make you stop and say thank you to the good Lord for using seasons in our lives to teach us so much about ourselves and about his grace and his mercy, then so be it.

The next time you clean spit up off of your clothes or pick up a toy or wipe a runny nose or clean up a mess you didn't make, remember that this is a season and that there is something great to be learned.

****Remembering who I am in HIM!